Pizza and Urban Myths: Any Way You Slice It, It’s Delicious

This tempting pizza is topped with marinara, roasted asparagus, caramelized red onions, artichoke hearts, and red bell peppers.

Reflect with me, won’t you, on a time before the internet… before Google and Snopes, when urban myths were passed one to another and there was no immediate way to refute them.  Could you send in a Tootsie Pop wrapper with a star and receive a prize?  Was New Coke a ploy to raise demand for their former product?  Or was it a way for the company to change to high fructose corn syrup from sugar unnoticed?  Will swallowed chewing gum take seven years to get through the digestive tract?  Before a simple Google search would answer our questions, we were left to wonder and likely to pass on more urban myths as truths.

These days a variety of mass forwards make their way to our inboxes, and yes, sometimes it’s good that a simple search let’s us know whether or not the message is legit.  But sometimes it’s a bit disappointing when we learn that the urban legend we enjoyed and the story that came with it are completely fabricated.  Take the story that I heard many years ago about the invention of pizza.  In this tale, pizza was invented long, long ago as a way to help the poor in the community.  All of the food vendors in the city had something to offer—a baker had excess dough, others had tomatoes for sauce, the grocer had extra vegetables…  By everyone in the community coming together and offering what they could, pizza was invented to help those who were hungry.

Perhaps that myth takes its roots in stories like the one we tell in my touring children’s theatre group this time of year.  In One Chanukah in Chelm, a beggar is visiting a town known to be very charitable.  He promises the villagers that even with meager ingredients, he can make potato latkes in honor of Hanukkah.  Soon all of the townspeople are giving offerings to help the man—salt and pepper, onion, oil, and, of course, potatoes.  By everyone coming together and sharing what they are able, the beggar creates the best latkes anyone in the town has ever tasted.  The “miracle” in this story is that when we are generous of heart, everyone is the better for it.

This savory pizza includes a marinara-topped crust, a sauteed Smoked Apple Sage Field Roast sausage, and caramelized red onion on a bed of kale and minced garlic. I combined a small dollop of Vegenaise and several spoonfuls of prepared horseradish and served it with the pizza for topping.

When I make pizza at my home, it is often similar to the original story in that I take whatever odds and ends I have, and together the whole is better than the sum of its parts.  Half of an onion remains in my Pyrex?  Slice it thin, sauté it in a bit of oil until it begins to brown, then put it under a low heat, add a squeeze of agave syrup, and enjoy caramelized onions on it.  A few leaves of collard greens or kale are great chopped and steamed and then added to the pizza pie.  An artichoke heart or two from a jar, spinach or basil leaves, leftover roasted squash, chopped kalamata olives, sautéed Smoked Apple Sage Field Roast sausages, roasted red peppers, diced cherry tomatoes, potatoes sliced thin and sautéed, roasted asparagus, and best of all, whole cloves of roasted garlic are all delectable additions.  Before the pizza is slipped into the oven, it is topped with a handful of pine nuts that will toast while the crust is baking.

A simple crust is the perfect canvas.  My favorite is Vicolo.  Their organic cornmeal crusts use non-GMO cornmeal and come two to a package.  They are available in the frozen section at the grocery store.  Simply save them in the freezer for a night when you want something fast and easy on the table in a half an hour or less.  The crust can be taken straight from the freezer, topped with marinara or homemade vegan pesto and the ingredients of choice, put into a 425 degree oven, baked for 15 minutes, and it’s good to go.

After the pizza is hot and ready, serve it with a few cool ingredients like sliced avocado, jalapeños, salsa, hot sauce, bruschetta, hummus, or even Vegenaise mixed with horseradish for a tempting finish.

Depending on the amount of toppings and one’s appetite, one pizza is generally plenty for two people.  It would also be fun for a dinner party to offer a variety of toppings from simple to gourmet, and let guests adorn their own half of a pizza.  One word of advice: if any morsels of food slip onto the floor mid-preparation, rumor has it that the 5-second rule is bunk.  Eater beware.