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When a person switches to a plant-based diet, they often notice an uptick in vegan jokes at their expense. Here’s how to deal with them.
I don’t know how often you re-watch movies of the 1980’s, but my husband and I were flipping channels a few weeks ago and came upon Roxanne.
For those of you who don’t know it, it was a modern-day take on Cyrano de Bergerac, with Steve Martin playing a man named C.D. who rocked an unusually large nose. Thinking that no one could find him attractive, he wooed the woman of his dreams through his handsome friend.
In one scene, a man at a gathering called Martin’s character “Big Nose.” Martin launched into what became a stand-up routine of all of the better styles of jokes at his expense that the guy could have used.
Fashionable: You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger. Like… Wyoming.
Sympathetic: Oh, what happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God?
Obscure: Oh, I’d hate to see the grindstone.
I’ve been writing a lot in these past few weeks about things you discover when you are going vegan, and one that definitely comes up is that you’ll hear a lot of jokes. I think there are many reasons for that, and one of the biggest is that jokes, as a tool, are used to diffuse an uncomfortable situation.
When we, as people, are suddenly aware of ourselves or our habits in a way that makes us feel defensive or uncomfortable, jokes are an easy release valve. They’re a way of voicing that discomfort in a socially accepted way.
That’s understandable and something we all do in one way or another at times. However, when veganism is totally new to you, and you’re suddenly getting teased regularly at mealtimes, it can get… tiresome.
Jokes also highlight beliefs that separate us and that unite us. Sometimes when you’re a new vegan and the only one in the group, jokes create an interesting us-versus-them power dynamic, which can feel very startling when you’re suddenly in the minority.
As a new vegan, what do you do? Become grumpy and have people think you’re a spoilsport? Or laugh even when the vegan joke is at your expense?
(I mean, to the bald guy, is the 10th bald joke funny? Probably not.)
Plus, when a person is vegan for the animals, it can feel like the joker-in-question is not only laughing at you, but also making light of the victims of the meat, dairy, and egg industries, who you care about.
Something that worked for me when I was newly vegan and meeting up with people who were very vocal about their differing ideologies was to take it all in as if I were watching a documentary.
The jabs and jokes didn’t really have anything to do with me, even though it could feel very personal. These statements said more about their views than they did about me. I tried, not always successfully, to observe with curiosity and without attachment.
(This advice goes for misguided jokes. Obviously if someone is being cruel, that’s another story…)
This past summer, my husband and I went to a grill out at a public campground. It was with a group of people that we didn’t know well, most of whom I was meeting for the first time.
We brought cookies to share and Field Roast sausages and vegetables to grill.
We have a mini grill that we like to use on those occasions that we’ll be cooking out with people who are grilling animal flesh, especially when public grills are involved. I think it’s easier and more pleasant to have my own grill, spatula, and tongs. Then I can keep our food animal-free.
Anyway, we set up our grill not far from where some guys in the group were also cooking. They noticed that we had our own grill and were inquisitive about why.
When I told them that we’re vegan one of the guys chimed in with, “Oh, so do you have room for a cow heart on your grill?”
He said it as if it were a joke, but it’s kind of insensitive and aggressive when you look at the face of it.
If I’d been like Steve Martin’s character in Roxanne, perhaps this would have been the time I pulled out the many vegan jokes I’ve heard over the years:
Classic: Oh, you’re vegan? I’m a member of PETA. People Eating Tasty Animals.
Culinary: Yeah, I love animals too. Next to the mashed potatoes.
Philosophical: If God didn’t want us to eat animals, why did he make them of meat?
Instead I smiled and said, “Nope. We don’t have any room for that.”
As has been common in these last few posts about veganism… It gets easier.
First, the vegan jokes slow way down.
After a while, people run out of jokes or they’ve already said their best ones. So it’s not an interesting topic anymore. It’s old news.
Second, people get more comfortable with you being vegan. They don’t need to diffuse an uncomfortable situation, because they aren’t uncomfortable.
Third, they realize you’re still the same person you always were and that you’re going to keep being vegan. There’s no reason to continue commenting on something that’s not going to change.
So now the times when I hear jokes it’s in one of two circumstances – when I’m just meeting people and it randomly comes up or when I’m with people I know very well and who are comfortable with me being vegan.
In the first case, it’s easier now to give people slack. I get it. There was a time that veganism seemed very foreign to me too.
The only way that I can communicate that vegans are warm, and open, and have a sense of humor is if I give the same compassion I want to receive and the same compassion I want the animals to receive.
In the second, now when my close family and friends joke with me about veganism, it’s good-natured. They know I care very deeply about animals. They get it. And it feels entirely different when a joke is made that’s born out of long conversations and shared history. It’s the kind of joke that recognizes our commonality.
Oh, and one more little thing… Why did the vegan cross the road? Because he was protesting for the chicken, man!
Suburban Snow White says
You’re so right on here. It CAN feel personal in the beginning or anytime someone jokes about what happens to the animals on their plate. The balance is initially so hard to master. But I love the way you handled the cow heart comment. I love reading posts like this because I don’t feel as alone when these situations inevitably come up.
It’s interesting that you brought up the idea that people do get used to one’s veganism and that the jokes gradually become more inclusive. I’d never made that connection, but that’s kind of where we are now. People are over it after 1.5 years and things seem back to normal.) 🙂
Cadry says
I’m glad you’ve experienced that turnaround, Katrina. It can be tough when a person feels ganged up on or always the butt of jokes. If only we could know in those moments that it will change, people will adjust, and over time balance will be found.
Now when those close to me make jokes, it feels like they’re finding another way to say, “I understand where you’re coming from.” That’s a good place to be! Obviously there are exceptions, like the guy at the grill out, but that means I have more patience in my stores for those incidents. 🙂
Richa says
i love your take on handling these situations. i try very hard to be civil most of the time. it is somewhat easier to discuss with strangers or new friends, since there is a respectful boundary everyone tries to maintain. its the old friends who i always end up losing my cool with.
the latest argument was someone blasting away comparing all the veg oriented orgs to missionaries and shoving their ideals down his throat and making him feel guilty about his food choices. I tried to tell him about how he ignores other propaganda so easily and is cribbing about this one, because he probably understands the messages and is feeling bad himself without them “making” him feel so. then he started using choice quotes and he got some in return, mainly because i know him since a decade now and he has always been on my “i just tolerate you” side.
Cadry says
Ugh, that’s rough, Richa, but you did make a good point. No one can “make” him feel anything. If he feels guilty, perhaps that’s something he should explore.
Jennifer says
Hi Cadry, I’ve been vegan about 3 years and am so happy for it. I bore alot of jokes that felt diminishing as a new vegan. Interestingly enough, several of those same people have turned a 360 and now wish I would cook for them. My lunches are looking pretty good I guess!!
Cadry says
That’s excellent, Jennifer! I’m so glad to hear it! Don’t you wish you could go back in time and tell your newly vegan self that those same people cracking jokes would some day be asking for dinner invitations?
Janae @ Bring-Joy says
I agree, Cadry, it does get much, much easier. In fact, I’d say it’s been a good long time since I’ve recieved any flack from anyone about being vegan (I’ve been vegan for 6 years now).
Cadry says
That’s awesome, Janae! Like anything else, after a while people just expand their definitions of you.
Allysia Kerney says
Oh man, people making jabs at my veganism used to really hurt my feelings! But now I just find it easier to see where the jokes are coming from, and address that instead of taking offense. Because really, most people aren’t trying to be jerks. I love that you have a good attitude about it all – I think it’s really important for us vegans (because a lot of the time we’re the only vegan a group of people know) to stay positive and understanding, lest the “angry vegan” stereotype get reinforced. Awesome post! 🙂
Cadry says
You’re absolutely right! It can be challenging at times to not get on the defensive, but if we allow ourselves to be patient and roll with the punches, it puts a warmer face on veganism. Thanks for your input, Allysia!
Joe Gilday says
That was beautifully written and very thoughtful piece. You are a wonderful writer. –and this is coming from an omnivore with highest respect to you. Thank you Joe Gilday
Cadry says
What a kind thing to say, Joe. Thank you. The feeling is absolutely mutual.
Andrea says
As usual, you’ve covered all the bases so well there’s nothing more to add. Keeping a sense of humor is usually best unless there’s abuse. I love when I’m able to turn a joke around so the jokester is given an opportunity to react, just as I was. Not in a mean way, of course. 🙂
Cadry says
Thanks, Andrea! It always takes a delicate touch to turn the joke around on the joker, but when it works, it really works!
Mel says
I’m loving these posts of yours! As difficult as it can be, I try not to react when people make jokes about veganism. I try to grin and bear it even when my brother in law makes the same joke about me ordering the steak every single time we go out for dinner (I wonder how long he will continue with this, repetitive jokes are so boring). I don’t want to be known as the angry vegan, it’s just not worth it.
Cadry says
It requires some patience, but it sounds like you have a good attitude about the whole thing, Mel. I guess in your brother-in-law’s case, it takes some people longer to tire of making the same jokes than others! 🙂
Kristy says
This is such a great post because teasing is something that most vegans and vegetarians will need to get used to. It’s odd because I would never think about teasing others about their choice to eat animal products. But anywho, this was such a great reminder to not take it so seriously and summon my inner Steve Martin. Or just grin and bear it (I do a really bad Steve Martin). 🙂
Cadry says
Yeah, grinning might be the best option. Otherwise people will start saying, “Ever since Kristy went vegan, she keeps going on and on about how she’s a ‘wild and crazy guy.’ What’s up with that?” And your hair is going to get rumpled under that arrow through your head. Admittedly, it’s a cute look, but not always right for the occasion. 😉
Anonymous says
To your bible friends you could say Daniel just ate veggies and God blessed him and was wiser than his contempararies
Sue says
A co-worker once commented in the lunchroom while I was making instant oatmeal for my lunch. She made a joke (in a fake-whiny and also condescending voice) about the poor oatmeal grains who have feelings too and how it hurts them when they are picked. Her tone of voice especially made me mad, and the fact that she was directly making fun of me to my face, and making light of a situation important to me. It was just a stupid comment so I don’t know why it bothered me but it did. I didn’t go around making comments to her about eating meat, I just nodded when she asked if I was a vegetarian and when she asked why I briefly explained that I didn’t want to support the cruelty of the factory farming industry, so I don’t know why she felt the need to be rude. I never implied anything negative about HER choosing to eat meat, I was just explaining my choice, since she asked. And she always ended up sitting next to me too – ugh. I don’t think I’ve ever met a more unpleasant person (several other instances of unrelated rudeness, mainly to our training instructor, when I had to ignore her when she was trying to have a conversation with me while he was speaking. She wouldn’t take the hint – even when I would look like I was straining to hear the instructor above her chatter).
Andie says
Whenever I decided to become vegan I shared with a really good friend of mine. She got really mad and I had no clue why. She then said “Whenever I tried to go vegan two years ago, you made jokes all the time that were hurtful. Then when you decide it is a good idea you want me to back you up.” Honestly, I didn’t even realize I had been that way to her. It helped me realize that I can’t be so hard on those who aren’t vegan because usually they just don’t understand and haven’t opened their eyes yet to what I have seen. She and I now joke all the time about it. So just because you feel you are being treated poorly, it doesn’t mean someone has bad intentions. It just means they don’t understand and need some time.
AH says
Wow Cadry! What a great article. I’ve just hit my first year anniversary of being vegan and man, have I copped a fair few jokes just in the first year! I don’t let these bother me but I have seen many of my friends who were trying to be vegetarian or vegan go back to eating meat simply because their family or friends made it too difficult for them. I will be sure to share your words of wisdom. Thanks again. It’s always great to hear how others handle these situations and to realise that you are not alone. Alana.
Rebecca says
GREAT post! I live in Paris where eating vegan is literally a foreign concept, people look at me like I am absolutely insane. Smoking cigarettes, cheating on your wife – all acceptable here, but not eating animals, butter or cream? Sacre bleu! 🙂 Thanks for the post, great!!
erin says
Love!
Haley M says
This was really helpful for me. I’m 3 days away from being finished with a 60 day juice fast. From then on I’ll continue a vegan lifestyle. The jokes and questions are starting to come up and I get pretty annoyed by it. For me, I guess it’s not so much the jokes as it is the questions like “how will you get protein”. I think it bothers me that people are so misinformed. Anyways, I found your blog on Pinterest. I also have a blog on my juice fast journey that I’ll continue using durning transitioning. Healthyhaley60.blogspot.com
I really enjoyed reading this!
Anonymous says
I can usually joke or snark right back if I’m with my friends or family, but my personal/most powerful comeback usually occurs when I’m in mixed gatherings or with people who may not be too friendly.
My favourite response to jokes when feel like they hit too close to home, is physical instead of verbal. I look at them, meet their gaze and go quiet. I stare for a few seconds and then go back to whatever I’m doing/change the subject or excuse myself.
Human beings don’t generally like offending others. The lack of laughter proves it isn’t funny to me. And it hints that I may have been offended. If they follow it up with an apology I can state what my views are, and if thy want to talk about in, I’m open to it. If they do neither, they usually get written off as people I don’t want aroun anyway.
Melissa Kelley says
Fortunately I found this tonight when I’ve had it up to my limit with my husband teasing me and using me as a joking matter at his job. In essence when I’m the butt of a joke I feel like he thinks I myself am a joke. I’ll let things go for now and take your advice that eventually it will die down.
Cadry says
That sounds really challenging, Melissa. No one likes to be ridiculed. Have you talked to your husband about how it makes you feel?