It's wedding season again, which has me thinking about one of the most memorable weddings I ever attended.
The wedding was nearly twenty years ago, just a few months before David and I got married. It was an outdoor affair in the bride's family's backyard.
The tables were all set with plates and silverware. There were little containers around each centerpiece.
Since I was about to get married myself, I'd spent a good deal of time on wedding websites. I recognized the containers right away.
Each package held a butterfly, who had been frozen into a sleep state or forced hibernation.
The idea was that as they warmed, they would wake up. Then after the bride and groom said their vows, guests would open the containers and participate in a butterfly release.
Instead of showering the couple with rice, rose petals, or bubbles, they would be surrounded by swirling butterflies.
Well, schedules don’t always go according to plan at big events.
Guests are sometimes caught in traffic.
The caterer may arrive late.
Sometimes the pictures before the wedding take a little longer, or there are hiccups with the hair and makeup.
So even though this was a small, backyard wedding with a guest list of around 50 people, things were taking a bit longer than they'd hoped.
Finally, the bagpipe player started, the bride walked down the aisle, and the vows began.
Somewhere around halfway through the ceremony, those containers started to shake.
Flapping against the sides of the paper was audible.
It was clear that the butterflies were awake. But they couldn't get out.
The bride and groom still hadn't said, "I do."
No one felt comfortable saying, "Hey, you really need to move things along. These butterflies are ready to go."
There were containers on every table around the centerpiece.
Every table.
It became a distraction as the guests looked away from the ceremony and instead at the moving packages, and then to each other, wondering what to do.
The packages weren't supposed to be opened until the bride and groom were married, but how long could the butterflies survive in them?
In the time that has passed since the wedding, I have wished many times that we had opened the containers and set them free.
But we didn't.
We stared at the containers hoping that the butterflies would be fine, that they could wait a few moments more.
We kept almost opening them, but stopping short, not wanting to ruin the big moment.
The frantic flapping in the containers grew quiet.
The bride and groom kissed and walked down the aisle.
Finally, guests opened the containers.
The butterflies were either already dead or slowly flopped in a dazed fashion across the tables.
Some guests actually flung the dead butterflies at the bride and groom, as if it would bring them back to life.
It was all very macabre and the opposite message I'm sure they were hoping would be portrayed with a butterfly release.
Dead butterflies laid on the reception tables next to wine glasses.
I wasn't vegan at that point. And I hadn't spent as much time as I have now learning about the problems that come with animals used in entertainment.
If I knew then what I know now, I would have opened those containers.
And if I knew a couple considering releasing butterflies at their event, I'd encourage them to make a different choice.
Butterflies are not props. They are real living beings.
If a person likes butterflies and wants to be surrounded by them for a wedding, have the event in a garden or an orchard where butterflies already live.
Is it worth someone's life for a photo opportunity?
Our delight in seeing a butterfly doesn't trump their right to live peacefully.
If you search online with the keywords “butterfly release cruel” or “wedding butterfly release cruel,” you’ll find endless stories like mine.
Butterflies dying in transit or not making it through the release is common.
Some of the stories happened at weddings, some at funerals or memorials, and some of them at elementary schools with playgrounds littered in dying butterflies.
What does that teach children about the value of someone else’s life?
And at a funeral, it adds a new level of disturbing.
First, you lose someone you love. You have a memorial, and then you cap it off by watching as beautiful, colorful butterflies die before their time for the event.
Not surprisingly, butterfly breeders, who have a financial stake in the business, claim that the practice is fine.
Other problems with butterfly releases include:
- Even if butterflies make it through forced hibernation, packaging, and transport, the new environment and/or climate may not be suitable for them. (Butterflies from Mexico or California were hardly meant for an Iowa winter.)
- They may have a difficult time finding a food source.
- The process can understandably confuse their migration patterns.
- Butterflies raised in captivity aren’t able to breed before they are packaged. Once released, their chances of finding a mate, breeding, and laying eggs within their intricate life cycle dwindle.
- Introducing butterflies into the current population can transmit diseases to wild butterflies.
The bride and groom's marriage in this case didn't last long, unfortunately.
I don't think it was a butterfly release gone wrong that caused it. But it certainly wasn't an auspicious start to a life together.
Aleta Fisher
I was thinking about this for my daughters wedding, I thought how beautiful. Thank you for this because I have completely changed my mind. I love all creatures great and small and I wouldn’t want to hurt them.
Cadry
Thank you, Aleta, for taking the time to research it & reconsider. I’m so glad you have changed your mind. Best wishes on your daughter’s wedding!
Mandilyn
I would look into the battery operated ones they sell online, attached to flowers or other decor.. It would still be beautiful & no butterflies will we hurt!
Hussain
So collect cocoons locally and release them when they eclose. No storage, no holding times. Just fly into the sky above the garden. Where they are is where there from and the year is in their time.
Seems like it needs to evolve into a garden hobby – fostering pollinators in an unpredictable urban landscape.
Cadry
Or we could just leave animals out of our human celebrations. We’re not obligated nor entitled to use their bodies as decorations. After all, it’s not as if it’s being done to help butterflies or with their best interests in mind. Weddings can be plenty festive without them.
JL Fields
Such great information, Cadry. I hope this is shared widely so that wedding planners (brides, grooms, and professionals) can help stop this practice!
Cadry
Thanks, JL. That’s my hope too. I wrote this post with the hope that when people are considering this kind of release, they’ll do some research first and see the long-term and real effects of butterfly release.
Ricki
This is horrific. I’d never even heard of this before. 🙁
Cadry
Yes, it’s such a waste and so sad.
Kittee Bee
I went to a wedding and this same thing happened!!! I was so disturbed! Thankfully, we were able to release them when they started moving around, but GAH. It was super icky.
xo
kittee
Cadry
Oh, no! I was surprised but not surprised when I was doing research for this post at how often it happens. There were so many wedding planners who said that they warn their clients to avoid releases because boxes of dead bodies are common. What a terrible way to “celebrate” a happy occasion. I’m glad you were able to release the butterflies in time at the wedding you attended.
Shell
What a sad story. Your post is very eye opening and I am sure it will influence future brides.
Cadry
It was definitely a dark spot on what was supposed to be a happy day. I hope other people planning events will look into the real effects of butterfly release.
Jacqui
I have heard of releasing butterflies, but not how it was done. Naive of me, I know. Thanks for setting me straight on this horrendous practice.
Cadry
The confusion is totally understandable, Jacqui. I can see why people are attracted to the idea of beautiful butterflies flitting about on their wedding day. If they don’t look into it more, it’s easy to miss the real problems that come with it.
Jenny
Good grief that is AWFUL! I can’t imagine how on earth anyone could see that plan ending well! So sad :/
Cadry
It really is mystifying how people can think that freezing butterflies, packaging them, shipping them across the country, and then putting them into the hands of a bunch of random people on a busy day is going to go at all well… And when I was reading the accounts from other people, there were so many wedding coordinators encouraging people NOT to do it, because they’d seen it gone wrong again and again. 🙁
Kristina
oh my, how very sad. I have not seen this happen, thankfully – but I have heard of it. so very sad.
Cadry
Yes, very sad indeed. 🙁
Susan
Such a sad story, and what a terrible way to celebrate anything!
Cadry
I agree, Susan. It still makes me feel sad whenever I think about it.
Veganopoulous
oh how awful 🙁 I really dislike those kinds of hatching/release programs and over here it’s practically a done thing for kindergartens and schools to get the egg hatching packages. Of course, the parents that object are labelled as difficult. School fetes often have petting zoos and again, parents that object are often ignored or treated badly 🙁
Cadry
I’m sorry to hear that, Faye. It’s a shame that people often only look at the short-term reaction (“My child liked it!”) as opposed to the long-term effects for the animals. It makes me sad, because it sends a message that a person’s momentary pleasure is more important than an animal’s life. There are other ways to learn that don’t include hurting someone.
Bianca
Oh wow. This is so very sad. I wasn’t even aware of this tradition, and I can’t believe anyone thinks that’s a good idea. Poor butterflies. Thanks for writing this post, Cadry! I’ll bet lots of folks (some who may not even be vegan) will stumble onto it when searching for wedding planning stuff. Maybe this will open folks’ minds to understand that this is so very cruel!
Cadry
That’s my hope, Bianca. Sometimes people are swayed by the idea of something without realizing how it can actually play out in reality. Even if people aren’t vegan or vegetarian, I would think they still wouldn’t want to incorporate this kind of sadness on their wedding day.
Alina
Wow, what an appalling tradition! Honestly, I’ve never heard of this before, and I can only hope that in the years that have passed since that wedding, people have stopped doing this.
Cadry
Unfortunately, when I was searching for information for this post, there were still lots of butterfly breeders marketing their services for weddings, funerals, and events.
Beverly Wesner-Hoehn
I just performed at a wedding yesterday in May, 2021, where this atrocious idea st
occurred. Many guests looked shocked and very few of those lovely born to be free butterflies even fluttered out of their confining matchbox sized containers. Stop this madness.
Cadry
That’s awful, Beverly. It’s distressing & saddening that this is still going on.
Dianne
Oh my god!! I didn’t know that people did this. How awful!!!
Cadry
Yes, it definitely put a pall over the event. 🙁