There's an old joke that some people like to tell about vegans.
It goes like this, "How do you know someone is vegan? Don't worry. They will tell you."
As a joke, it's pretty tired, and yet it continues.
There are memes and cartoons, and inevitably on Facebook or YouTube you'll see it amongst the comments.
As a criticism, it bugs me. And here's why - because it feels like a thinly veiled attempt to tell vegans to shut up.
The subtext is, "Why are you talking about veganism? It's not needed/wanted here."
Why do vegans talk about being vegan? I'll tell you.
Because being vegan affects the decisions you'll make
David and I have been looking for a new car for a while. It's been a lengthy process for a few reasons.
One, we both really like not having a car payment. So the longer our cars will keep going, the better.
The other issue in looking for a new car is that we don't want to buy a car that includes leather.
It's been tricky to find cars that don't have leather steering wheels or gear shifts.
If I were to lay out my dream car, it would be a Mini Coop. One problem - it cannot be purchased without a leather steering wheel, even though they offer cloth seats.
It's surprisingly difficult to track down the information on that, though. I contacted a local dealership, and they weren't giving me direct answers.
So I tweeted to Mini Coop about it with the hashtag vegan. I figured if there were other vegans who had researched Mini Coopers, they might know.
I didn't hear from Mini Coop for a while. But I did hear from some stranger who decided to razz me for including the vegan hashtag.
I've since blocked him. So I can't tell you exactly what he said.
But it was something along the lines of, "Why do vegans always have to talk about being vegan? Obviously you can get a Mini Coop without a leather steering wheel…"
Except you can't.
Sometimes people aren't aware of the degree to which animal products are included in everyday items until they actually go vegan.
Once they are doing it for themselves, it becomes a lot clearer how ever-present animal products are in places you wouldn't expect to find them.
Then the Twitter dude went on to try to bait me into some discussion about yeast. One of the gems that you learn while being vegan is that you don't have to enter every debate and engage with every troll.
(Although, if you're reading, dude, here's the scoop on yeast.)
One reason that vegans talk about veganism is because it affects our decision-making and it affects our lives.
There are some times when it's helpful & necessary to talk about veganism.
In Los Angeles, people don't talk much about weather.
Why?
Because it's beautiful and sunny.
You don't need to plan out bringing an umbrella that afternoon or research if a heavy coat is needed. It will very likely be like every other day.
You'll be warm during the day, and then at night, a light jacket would be good. (It gets cool in the desert once the sun goes down.)
But in Iowa, weather is a big topic of conversation.
We don't just look at daily forecasts. We look at hourly forecasts.
In contrast, in Iowa we don't tend to plot our traffic commutes in the same way as when living in LA, because it's just not the same.
In the way that The Californians discuss the minutiae of getting from one part of Southern California to another, in Iowa crafting out a plan for avoiding traffic is unnecessary and isn't discussed.
Why? In LA, rush hour lasts 3 hours. Where I live now, it lasts 20 minutes.
When David and I are late to meet up with friends, we like to joke to them that we got caught in traffic. They laugh, because they know it can’t be true.
Being vegan is similar.
When you're not vegan, any restaurant is an option.
But when you're vegan, it can be helpful to plan ahead, or to pick a restaurant that is more accommodating, or will have more enticing options.
Gift giving events are more comfortable for all involved if everyone knows you're vegan, because then no one feels awkward when they give you a membership to a steak of the month club and you haven't eaten steak in well over a decade.
Because if you don't clarify now, you'll have to clarify later
In our own home, David and I don't clarify with each other about getting the vegan version of things.
Every Monday through Friday when David is leaving work, he texts me to ask, "Is there anything you need me to pick up from the grocery store on the way home?"
If I need cashew milk, I just text back, "Milk would be great." But I don't clarify, "Please get vegan milk."
It would be silly.
We both know what kind of milk we buy.
Clarification is unnecessary.
But if I was with an acquaintance and discussing the way I take my coffee, I would say, "I drink it with cashew milk." Because if I just said, "I drink it with milk," there would inevitably be a follow-up about that… "But I thought you were vegan?"
So vegans often head off questions by just clarifying ahead of time.
Using words like veggie burgers or veggie dogs can be useful when letting people know what we'll bring to a cookout.
But when David and I are grilling out with just the two of us, we don't have to clarify to each other that we'll be making plant-based burgers, because obviously we will.
Because people talk about things that matter to them
Every weekend in the fall, people talk about how their football team of choice is doing.
My friends who are into sci-fi talk about sci-fi.
My friends who are into running talk about running.
My friends who are music buffs talk about music.
And my friends who are into beer & breweries talk about that too.
So I find it kind of obnoxious when people act like vegans are these obsessive oafs by talking about things that matter to them.
I have a friend who has always been irritated or dismissive about me being vegan. One time I was visiting Los Angeles after I'd moved away.
I was getting together with a bunch of vegan bloggers at a bar. And we were talking shop.
Not only are we interested in talking about food, it's also our business. Since my visit was brief, it was the one and only night I'd be seeing them.
Well, this friend decided at the last minute to join us. And then he was endlessly irritated that we were talking about the vegan dishes we were working on at the time, and the vegan restaurants I should visit while I was in town.
This friend is a movie buff and filmmaker. I like movies well enough, but they're not a passion for me.
But I've heard him and his film buddies talk about movies endlessly when I'm there - even about movies I've never seen and never will see. But I was polite and nodded, because that's what you do.
It’s just life that we sometimes listen to conversations that aren't wildly interesting to us. And sure, we should be aware of whether or not people are getting left out of conversations, and try to accommodate that to a certain degree.
But the point is - sometimes conversations are going to be uninteresting to you, and there are worse things than that.
People talk about eating meat too
But in our world, that is seen as being neutral.
David and I were at a get together the other night. And some people at the table started talking about experiences they had killing chickens.
Then another person chimed in about a time that someone he knew took a child to pick out a goat. The child thought he was picking out a pet. Actually he was picking out dinner.
These are perhaps extreme examples of conversations that happen. But it's not at all unusual for people to talk about the ways they like to smoke ribs, or how big the fish was that they caught last weekend.
If people who criticize vegans for talking about veganism wrote down every instance in their day when they heard discussion of ways to prepare meat, scrolled through pictures of meat or dairy on social media, or saw advertisements for animal products, I bet they would be surprised. It's unavoidable.
If you're vegan and streaming TV, and they keep showing the same commercial over and over with a crab's legs being cracked open in slow motion, it's ghoulish.
But for people who aren't vegan, that doesn't even register as something unusual because they are immersed in it as part of normal, everyday life.
When vegans talk about making "vegan food," it's seen as more of a STATEMENT because vegans are outliers in our culture.
But when you look at the face of it, it's interesting that talking about killing animals is perceived as neutral while talking about NOT killing them is charged.
How do you know I'm vegan?
Because I will tell you.
I will also tell you a slew of other things – that my perfect day would be spent at Disneyland, that the world needs more handwritten and stamped letters, and that I dream of traveling to Japan.
I will tell you these things, because part of being alive is sharing our stories with each other – big and small.
Life is about making connections and trying to find understanding. And that is nothing to apologize for.
Carrie
I had loved this article when I initially read it two years ago, but it just popped up again when I googled “Mini Cooper vegan”.
With Audi , Volvo and Tesla now offering vegan- friendly cars I wondered if there had been any changes from Mini ( sadly, guess not) but I this blog made for a great ((!!) re-read (is that a word)?
Your writing is always wonderful, but even better when you are annoyed!
Cadry
Your comment really tickled me! Thanks for coming back for the re-read. I’ll try to write when I’m annoyed more often. Ha!
Brian
This was so well written. It was honest and organized and expressed so many ideas that I have wanted to explain to people for years. I rarely mentioned anything about my diet unless it comes up, but I cannot go through a day in public without multiple mention about meat, meat products, how to make it, how to prepare it, and I have to play along And discuss it with them so that I don’t get seen as “one of those people”.
Cadry
Thank you, Brian. I’m glad this post resonated with you. It is interesting how discussions around meat are seen as “neutral” in our culture, while choosing to leave animals off the plate is perceived as charged and/or political.
Elaine
I love this article! Thank you for writing it! I am not vegan but my daughter is. Her best friends are, too. At Christmas, I made a vegan lasagna that was absolutely delicious.
I notice how people are dismissive or eye roll when people talk about being vegan. And that’s just not fair. I find it very interesting and I respect anyone who makes that decision.
Why do people have to be so judgmental?
Cadry
Thank you, Elaine. That’s so thoughtful that you made a vegan lasagna at Christmas. I’m sure your daughter really appreciated that.
Jes
Loved this! Re: the steering wheel, although it slightly negates the stand of not buying a leather steering wheel, your best choice is honestly to find the best car for you and then to buy a different steering wheel. Super easy to purchase and install and, in the long run, having a reliable and enjoyable car is the most important thing.
Pamela Crummay
I’ve just come across this – it’s brilliant! So true about the impatient reaction of people when even touching on non-meat discussion. I suppose any long-held belief being questioned feels like a personal attack and discussing meat-eating certainly seems to upset people very easily.
Cadry
I’m glad you loved the post, Jes! For me the most important thing is not supporting the leather industry by purchasing leather. So I just would not feel comfortable buying a car with a leather wheel and replacing it, because my problem isn’t with touching the leather (although I don’t like that either) but actually putting money towards it. Luckily, there are cars out there sold without leather wheels and gear shifts. So I’ll keep test driving those instead.
Jenny
This is a lovely post, and I think you cracked it when you noticed that vegans are often encouraged to be politely silent on the subject their beliefs. Except, this stuff matters! How you say it matters too, but we shouldn’t feel shamed into silence as a matter of principle. I really hope you manage to find a car you love.
Cadry
Thank you, Jenny. Well said. I hope so too.
Barb
So well written! I agree with all of it! I am actually pretty mindful about not bringing it up, mostly because I don’t want to hear the old joke. When I do, it’s often in response to a question about why I’m not eating something in particular.
Cadry
Thanks, Barb!
Laura
How do you know if someone is a vegan? Because when you offer them meat they’ll politely refuse, at which point you’ll ask them a bunch of questions, which they’ll politely answer, whilst you get upset for no reason 😀
Really well written post, thank you!
Cadry
Thank you, Laura!
Amy Katz from Veggies Save The Day
Yes! This completely resonates with me. I stopped going to an annual cookie exchange because what’s the point when none of the other cookies are vegan. And I don’t want to hear all the comments.
I also completely understand the car situation. Fortunately I won’t need to buy a car for many years because I don’t know what I would do!
Cadry
I can totally understand bowing out of the cookie exchange. It sounds like your experience with it was thankless. Hopefully we’ll find just the right car for us soon – before the snow starts falling!
Mae Tipple
Yes! I have thought about this for awhile – especially the part about we talk about things we’re interested in. Like, if someone’s a parent, you will likely find that out within minutes of being introduced to them. They’ll also probably tell you about their job, and probably eventually their stance on politics too. Being vegan is such a big part of who I am…I would have to go out of my way to NOT talk about. And actually, I do go out of my way to not talk about it. Not because I feel repressed, but I’ve actually noticed that when it takes awhile for someone to find out, or even just if they find out by them initiating some unavoidable response from me about being vegan – OR if I talk about everything about my life besides being vegan, and they go, “Wait, are you vegan?” – they actually become more engaged in the conversation about veganism rather than be annoyed as they would be if I brought it up. Interesting, and entertaining 🙂
Cadry
That’s really interesting, Mae! Whenever I’m at a party or gathering with people I’m being introduced to for the first time, I definitely prefer when I’m not introduced as “the vegan.” I want to find commonalities first.
Kathy Patalsky
Lovely post Cadry! I totally agree that it’s awesome when people talk about things they are passionate about and matter to them. It’s crazy that anyone ever feels threatened by vegan talk. I think if that’s the case they should take a deeper look at how they feel about their own diet.
Cadry
That’s a good point, Kathy. Thank you for reading & sharing your thoughts!
Tracy
So very true, glad you wrote this and shared!
Cadry
Thank you, Tracy!
Susan
This post is great, well said!
Cadry
Thank you, Susan!
Dianne
This is so well written, Cadry! I agree with everything you said!
By the way, I have a Mini Cooper and the steering wheel isn’t leather. It’s about 6 years old, though, so I guess Mini has changed things.
Cadry
Thank you, Dianne! If only I’d bought a Mini Coop in 2005 when I purchased my last car!
Pamela Crummay
So well said, Cadry! Having made a conscious decision to just be a vegetarian is difficult for so many meat-eaters to discuss – but veganism is REALLY difficult for them! “OMG, what on earth can I get you to eat?” is the desperate howl that results in admitting this choice of lifestyle!
Perhaps, because veggie/vegans have put a lot of thought into being what they are, could that cause a threat to the carnivores….? Is there a guilty feeling in there somewhere….? An interesting debate…..
Cadry
That’s interesting point, Pamela. I’m sure that defensiveness does come into play for some people.
Magdalen
Thank you. You said the things that are/should be obvious but sometimes we need to be reminded of.
Cadry
Thank you, Magdalen. That’s nice to hear.
Jill
Well said! A great read
Cadry
Thank you, Jill!
Shell
Excellent points! Wonderful post.
Cadry
Thank you, Shell!
Pam Allard
Thank you Cadry, well said.
Cadry
Thanks, Pam!
Jenn
Love this, Cadry!!
Cadry
Thank you, Jenn!
Becky Striepe
I loved this, Cadry! Those little daily aggressions (intentional or not) can really add up and start becoming stressful. Like the crab legs commercial or hilarious jokes about animals tasting good. It was nice to read such a well-thought-out explanation of why we have to just lay out veganism out on the table sometimes.
Cadry
Thank you, Becky! I’m glad that it resonated with you.
Mary Ellen | VNutrition
Love this post Cadry! I totally agree with everything you said!
I also now realize I need to worry about leather steering wheels. I had only previously thought about the leather seats.
Cadry
Thank you, Mary Ellen! It’s surprising/frustrating that car companies are aware people want cloth seats, but they still continue to make leather steering wheels non-negotiable. Unfortunately, many people associate leather with “luxury.”
Liz
I was pleasantly surprised with Lexus when I bought the hybrid coupe. I bought it withy bells and whistles, navigation, sunroof, and they have non-leather seats!!! Unsure about the steering wheel though.
Anthony Lamb
As a non vegan I enjoyed your well written article and it makes some good points which are overlooked by the rest of us.
Cadry
Thank you, Anthony! I really appreciate hearing that.
Laura
Thank you for this beautifully written post.
Cadry
My pleasure! Thank you for the kind words. <3
Jacqui
Love this post! Every word is so true.
Cadry
Thank you, Jacqui! I’m so happy to hear that.