When People Won’t Eat Food Because It’s Vegan

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Vegan holidays: Thanksgiving & Christmas can bring unique challenges for plant-based eaters. Some people at a potluck are only too happy to dig in to vegan dishes. However, it’s surprising that first year or two how many non-vegans simply won’t eat the food vegans bring.

At Hy-Vee grocery store, pushed off into a corner by the pharmacy, is an area called the Health Market.

Sequestered away from the other packaged products, that’s where you’ll find the organic foods, gluten-free items, products without high fructose corn syrup, vegan specialty products, and the like.

I feel conflicted about the cordoned off Health Market.

On the one hand, it makes it very convenient for me. I don’t have to walk the huge span of the store from aisle to aisle to get most of the things I need. I can just wander the few short aisles of the Health Market and be in and out in about 10 minutes.

On the other hand, I am not in love with the idea of removing all of these foods and pushing them to the area by the pharmacy. It gives the impression that the foods are somehow medicinal or lacking or weird.

Because while, yes, there are beans, and grains, and whatnot in the Health Market, there are also potato chips and candy bars.

Perhaps they’re made with less processed or organic ingredients in some cases. But at the end of the day, they’re still just potato chips and candy bars.

I was in the Health Market last week when a lady pushing a cart rolled by the aisles, peeking up each one hesitantly. There was a girl stocking one of the shelves.

The lady asked, “Is this the normal food?”

“Well, it’s the Health Market,” the girl answered back.

“Oh,” the lady said slowly. “Right, right…”

And with an air of distrust that the potato chips might jump off the shelf and bite her, she backed away and walked off to find the normal food, wherever that is.

Vegan holidays

I’m telling this story now at the holidays, because there’s a chance that the lady in the Health Market may be going to your Thanksgiving.

Your potato chips may seem weird or strange to her, simply because they’re not the brand she usually buys.

You may think it’s odd when she won’t eat your potato chips. They are just made with potatoes, oil, and salt (i.e. the same ingredients as her “normal” chips.)

Most of the people in my life are not vegan or vegetarian. Over the years, I’ve made food for these friends and family.

There have been plenty of times when people were eager and happy and complimentary afterwards. Some of them have made me feel really special when they gushed over some dish that I made. Or they sent me a message after a dinner party to tell me again how much they enjoyed my cooking.

And there have been other times when my cooking has been… less well received.

Wot is this?

One year I attended a holiday potluck, where David and I were the only vegetarians or vegans in attendance.

The potluck wasn’t specifically geared for traditional holiday fare only. People were bringing whatever they wanted.

Knowing that some people can be hesitant about eating tofu or seitan, I wanted to opt for dishes that were all based on foods that I knew everyone there already ate. Potatoes, carrots, split peas, onions, garlic…

Regular readers will know I’m an enormous fan of Ethiopian food. So I thought that would be a great fit.

The Ethiopian dishes I make are very whole foods based, not a tofu cube in the bunch. With injera for scooping up the stews, I knew there wouldn’t be anyone else at the potluck with the same dish.

Plus, I knew that none of the other people at the potluck had ever eaten Ethiopian food. I love trying out new cuisines and dishes, and I thought they would have fun with it.

So I made infused oil for the stews from scratch, prepared three stews, and spent the morning of the potluck frying a platter full of injera.

I overheard a few people at the gathering trying to explain it.

“It’s like a pancake?”

I described what you did and how it was eaten. There was enough that everyone could have some on their own personal plates, and not on a shared platter as is traditional.

So I have to admit that after the meal was over, my heart sank when I saw that outside of me and David almost no one ate any of it.

All of the time I’d spent in the kitchen making the three different stews and frying all of the injera. And most people didn’t even try it.

Now, there are any number of reasons why people didn’t try it.

Maybe their plates were already full with things that were familiar, things they knew they liked.

Maybe they still felt unsure about how to go about eating it. Although, even if someone had just eaten the potatoes and carrots with a fork, say, it still would have been good.

Maybe they assumed they wouldn’t like Ethiopian spices. I really can’t say for sure.

I can say that after spending a lot of time and energy, it was disheartening to go home with containers of untouched food. I had looked forward to sharing an experience and a cuisine that I value with people who are important to me.

Na’an For Me, Thanks

Like the lady in the Health Market or like an acquaintance of mine recently who told me that he’d never eaten Indian food because he was “afraid” of it, not everyone wants a new experience.

Not everyone wants to try something new, even if it’s food they already eat (carrots, potatoes, onions) being labeled in a new way (Ethiopian or vegan).

Some people are happy with what is familiar.

And it’s not because they have an ethical issue with split peas, can’t eat injera for religious reasons, or because they are sensitive or averse to carrots. I wouldn’t expect people to drop their ethical beliefs over a potluck.

But like I said – this is food they already eat. So steering clear of something because it’s “vegan” is about staying in their comfort zone more than it is about politics.

Over the years that I’ve been vegan, I’ve had people refuse to try my salsa. (Even though most salsa is vegan anyway.)

There was a person who wouldn’t eat fries at a vegan restaurant (even though most fries are vegan anyway.)

Some people have a real negativity or bias against the word even before they’ve tasted the food, even though vegan food is just food.

So as we enter the potluck season, it’s good to prepare with positivity. Remember that many people will be receptive and delighted and surprised by the delicious food that the vegan at the potluck makes.

(I had a party with a spread of appetizers for David’s birthday. Everything went over fantastically well, and the only vegans in attendance were me and David.)

But it’s also good to have the awareness that some people may not even be open to trying it. And if this happens to you, try to detach.

It’s not about you or what you brought or your cooking. Though it can be disappointing when you spend a lot of time and money making things only to have what you gave be ignored or treated with suspicion, it’s not about you.

Now when I’m making dishes for a big holiday or event, I do it because I will like it.

If I want kale salad on Christmas, then that’s what I make.

If I want a complicated dessert, that’s what I make.

If I make something that’s involved or arduous, I do it for me. I do it because on that holiday, it will make me happy to eat it.

I can’t control anyone’s reaction except my own.

Also, over the years I’ve tried to adjust my expectations and make food with the particular audience in mind. Before I prepare for a gathering, I think about what they might like or what will be familiar.

I think about my past history with these people, and how open they will be to my cooking relative to the amount of time I spend on it.

If it will make me happy to spend hours in the kitchen preparing it, I do.

But if spending hours preparing food only to have it be ignored will hurt my feelings or ruin my day, I make something that is less involved. For my own sanity.

I’ve even been known to just pick up vegan fried rice take-out and bring that instead.

The Diamond or the Rock

I cooked for a couple of non-vegan friends recently, one of whom spent time in Ethiopia as a teen.

I absolutely loved making a spread of wots for them. It filled my heart with so much love and joy when she couldn’t stop eating at the table, even when she admitted she was well past full.

So I sent her home with the leftovers. Then she texted that she continued eating the leftovers on her way home in the car.

Sometimes you give a gift. And you know that people received exactly the same thing you’ve given. You give a diamond, and that’s what they get.

And sometimes you give a diamond, and the person looks at it, and you can tell that they’ve received a rock.

And you don’t know how it happened. You worked hard and you made it with love, but nevertheless, they’re underwhelmed and standing with a rock in their hands.

We can’t control what other people see when we give a gift to them. We can only give a gift because we want to and then hope for the best.

Comments

Abby says
November 25, 2014 at 3:35 pm

This post is a million times awesome. I still think you “Vegan Food is Just Food” post is one of the best that I’ve read and as you know, I agree 100 percent. A banana? Vegan, but how many people would not eat bananas? Anyway, have a great holiday and thank you for spreading the word.

Reply
- Cadry says
  November 29, 2014 at 10:37 am
  
  Thanks, Abby! That’s nice to hear. I hope you had a very happy Thanksgiving!
  
  Reply
Nichole Kraft says
November 25, 2014 at 3:38 pm

Thank you so much for this post, Cadry! It’s balm to my soul. I’ve had the exact same experience, and it’s very disheartening. Like you said, I’m trying to adjust my expectations and realize I cannot control other people’s reactions. Still, I’m glad to see this post and know other people have struggled with the same thing. Thanks again!

Reply
- Cadry says
  November 29, 2014 at 10:39 am
  
  Thank you, Nichole. That’s lovely to hear that the post resonated with you. It’s nice to know we’re all in the same boat. As much as I appreciate it when people are open & eager to try something I’ve made, it can still sting when the reaction is negative after a lot of work and energy.
  
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Richa {VeganRicha.com} says
November 25, 2014 at 3:45 pm

I love this post and esp the last line Cadry. It is very dis-heartening to see people not even trying out a dish even when it looks and smells the same. It is hard to accept that intelligent people around also sometimes do things like this. Truly, we can just give a lovely gift and hope for the best.
hopefully most will not be intimidated by the “vay-gun” stuffs 🙂

Reply
- Cadry says
  November 29, 2014 at 10:40 am
  
  Thank you for the thoughtful comment, Richa. <3
  
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Em says
November 25, 2014 at 4:13 pm

I’ve definitely had the diamond/rock experience. What a bummer when you give someone something you think they’ll appreciate and love (the diamond) and that isn’t their experience at all. I do have to take a step back at those times and remind myself that many times I’ve received gifts that it seems like I would love but for whatever reason, I don’t. Like you said, all I can do is give with the best intentions and hope they receive it in the same way.

Reply
- Cadry says
  November 29, 2014 at 11:15 am
  
  Well said, Em. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
  
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Bobbie // the vegan crew says
November 25, 2014 at 4:15 pm

Sharing food is a sacred thing and I pour love into the food I make for others, whether it’s the dinner I make for my husband every night or for friends at dinner parties or coworkers at the office potluck. As I plan a menu and prepare the dishes, I can’t help but envision the delight on everyone’s faces as they take a bite. Of course, I know that not everyone will like every dish (and that’s true regardless of whether the dish is vegan), but when someone outright dismisses a dish simply because it’s vegan — I’m not going to lie, it hurts a little. I try to give gifts freely and without expectations placed on the recipient, but I’ve never thought about it in the context of food before. I’m going to try to keep that in mind. Thanks for this thoughtful post! 🙂

Reply
- Cadry says
  November 30, 2014 at 10:48 am
  
  So true, Bobbie. When you put a part of yourself into the food you make, it’s even more disheartening when people won’t so much as taste it. Thanks for the thoughtful comment.
  
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Hannah says
November 25, 2014 at 4:17 pm

This is so great, Cadry. I love food and holidays, but big family meals fill me with dread. My family is so good about trying what I make, but it’s still sometimes met with suspicion or followed with “This tastes like real food!”. They’re sweet, but it makes me feel self conscious about my food. Despite the fact that I’m an accomplished cook who went to culinary school, has a food blog, and won some awards. Not meaning that I’m amazing, but that I do have some experience in making food taste ok. It’s hard not to take it personally (but I know, who has time for that?) Anyway, you can make Ethiopian food for me any day of the week!

Reply
- Cadry says
  November 29, 2014 at 2:00 pm
  
  Thanks for sharing your experience, Hannah! It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in being a little disappointed when my hard work is met with trepidation or hesitation. It does make me feel added gratitude on those occasions when people eagerly anticipate eating what I’ve made.
  
  There have been other periods of my life when I’ve had more occasions to cook for people who were adventurous eaters (regardless of whether or not they were vegan), and I really miss having the opportunity more often since I love to cook. Plus, I think for both of us cooking is a creative expression and a way that we share a part of ourselves. But what can we do? We can only meet people where they are at and hope that with time they will come around to trying things that are new-to-them and/or satisfy that desire with others who are more open to it.
  
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Samara says
November 25, 2014 at 4:18 pm

Thank you for sharing your wisdom with such gentle good humour and compassion (as always). You are inspiring. 🙂

Reply
- Cadry says
  November 29, 2014 at 10:42 am
  
  That’s so sweet of you to say, Samara. Thank you. That warms my heart.
  
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Lisa says
November 25, 2014 at 4:25 pm

I get irritated by people who won’t try new things period. I might be hesitant to eat something like insects, but if there’s no questionable critters, I’ll give it a shot. I love Indian food. When I try to tell people how delicious it is, they ask, Is it spicy? Well, it has lots of spices that make it delicious, but it’s not (typically) hot-spicy. I don’t care for the Ethiopian bread, but I’ve tried it. Shoot, I make (delicious) quinoa salad for work food days and no one touches it. There’s a big wide world of food out there.

Reply
- Cadry says
  November 30, 2014 at 10:53 am
  
  Yes, you never know what may become your new favorite food if you never venture outside of what you’ve always eaten. I remember the first time I went to an Indian restaurant, and the shallow bowls of saag looked so different from anything I’d eaten in the past. However, now I love it. I’d never tried Ethiopian food until I was about 30. Now it’s my all-time favorite cuisine. There are some foods that after multiple tries I just don’t like (nori is an example), but I tried it many times in many different forms before I gave up on it.
  
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Liz Ardell says
November 25, 2014 at 4:31 pm

I’m in the same situation, only my husband and I are vegan, and thankfully most omnivore friends will totally try my food at potlucks. In fact, most have informed me that I am NOT to let people know that my food is vegan. That if I tell the attendees, they probably won’t eat the food because its stigmatized in some manner. They tell me to let the food speak for itself – it tastes great, so more people will eat it. I’m usually so excited to let people know that vegan food is good that I want to exclaim it from the rooftops, but I do see their point, so I try to restrain myself.

Reply
- Cadry says
  November 30, 2014 at 10:56 am
  
  I hear you! I don’t put signs on my food saying that it’s vegan either; however, anyone who knows me and David know that anything we make will be vegan. For people who already have that negative bias, that’s enough to keep them from trying it. That said, I would be over the moon thrilled if I went to a potluck and there were signs all around the food saying that it was vegan. 🙂
  
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Louise says
November 25, 2014 at 9:08 pm

Hi Cadry,
This is the first time I am leaving a comment on your blog but I feel compelled to thank you for sharing your expereinces on a such a touchy subject.

I have recently made huge changes to my diet for health reasons. I’m finding myself dreading the holidays this year because I am already getting comments from some friends but mostly family. (thank goodness not my children) “Aren’t you cooking normal food this year” they ask. I do not follow a vegan diet. I eat what I want and what I feel will help me with my cholesterol.

I’m sorry it is this way and while some people are so narrow minded, most likely in all walks of their life, I don’t feel any of us have to apologize. I have had visitors to my Pinterest boards ask me not to include vegan and gluten free dishes on my boards. They would prefer normal pins on Cranberry Month or whatever board. I pin as I like, I eat as I like and most certainly cook as I like for the benefit of who ever would like to partake:) (or is it whom:)

Thank you so much for starting this conversation Cadry. I truly appreciate it.

Reply
- Cadry says
  November 30, 2014 at 10:58 am
  
  Thanks for sharing your experiences, Louise! I hope that with time your family will come around. In the meantime, it sounds like you have a good attitude about it and have set clear boundaries about where you end and others begin. Best of luck this holiday season!
  
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Nicole says
November 25, 2014 at 9:47 pm

What an incredibly thoughtful and very inspiring post, Cadry! I’ve had that happen so many times and it breaks my heart that people still react that way to vegan food – even though, as you say, it’s often the same food! But you’re absolutely right – we can’t control what other people see or think when we give them a gift. Thanks for the reminder.

Reply
- Cadry says
  November 29, 2014 at 11:01 am
  
  Thank you for the kind words. Knowing what beautiful food you make, Nicole, it’s amazing that anyone would ever WANT to refuse it.
  
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Susan says
November 25, 2014 at 10:17 pm

This is such a great post.

Reply
- Cadry says
  November 29, 2014 at 10:43 am
  
  Thank you, Susan!
  
  Reply
Laura Black says
November 25, 2014 at 10:58 pm

Your post hit home with me. I’ve recently returned from a holiday to the mainland visiting family. I tell people I’m vegan. The first question I’m asked is, “What does that mean?” I explain that it means no animal products; in some instances, “no animal products” has to be clarified. And trying to go out with family and find vegan choices on the menu was very difficult. But times they are a changin’ and I feel that there is a steady increase in people looking for more healthful food choices.

Reply
- Cadry says
  December 22, 2014 at 10:42 am
  
  You’re right that interest and exposure to veganism is expanding rapidly. In the last several years, I’ve noticed a steady increase in what is available, even in the middle of Iowa. Hopefully with time your menu options will improve when you visit your family!
  
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Marlee says
November 25, 2014 at 11:54 pm

Thanks for this. The part I especially enjoyed reading was the reminder to put effort into making healthy food, if for no other reason than it makes me happy! If others enjoy what I’ve made, great. If not, more for me! 🙂

Reply
- Cadry says
  November 29, 2014 at 11:03 am
  
  I’m glad that part hit home with you! I try to be accommodating in the foods I make and consider what will be familiar to other people. However, my preferences count too, and sometimes it’s nice on a holiday with a lot of rich foods to have a dish that more closely mirrors what I eat day to day.
  
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pat says
November 26, 2014 at 3:48 am

Great post and so relatable, especially at the holiday season when I struggle trying to figure out what food to bring. I love Ethiopian food too and could so relate to friends refusing to try it (especially after your hard work) and to your friend eating the leftovers on the car on the way home! I can see myself doing that.

I find that the easiest thing for me to serve to doubting friends is always a hearty soup because it seems to feel “normal” to them especially since they can’t tell that the stock isn’t meat based. I’ve even converted a few to my vegan chili. Also things like Mexican corn and bean salad have gone over really well. So soup/chili and some creative salads have been my gateway foods when Introducing vegan cooking but it really is a challenge. Hopefully I can then expand my menus and get people to try new things. I agree however that the tofu/seitan hurdle is absolutely the hardest. People usually refer to these as “those weird things you eat”. I really think they imagine me dumping a block of tofu from the package onto a dinner plate and calling it a meal. …

Reply
- Cadry says
  November 30, 2014 at 11:01 am
  
  Those are excellent points about using soup and salads as “introduction” meals. So many people eat broth based soups already. Using vegetable broth instead of an animal-based broth is an easy switch that most wouldn’t notice.
  
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Siobhan says
November 26, 2014 at 3:50 am

Fantastic post, Cadry. I’ve had similar feelings about the “health food” aisle in the supermarket. As you said, on the one hand, it’s convenient, but on the other, it’s marginalizing. Last time I was in France, I appreciated that there was a health food section, but there were also health food items dispersed throughout the store so that tofu, say, was right beside all the other non-vegan proteins!
I really feel for you regarding flying the vegan flag at potlucks, etc. and it not being received very well. In my experience, I’ve found that while people might be resistent to vegan main dishes, nobody but nobody can resist dessert, especially anything chocolate-y! My favourite reaction is “THIS is vegan?!”
I love your attitutude towards gift giving and will carry it with me going forward 🙂

Reply
- Cadry says
  November 30, 2014 at 11:03 am
  
  Thanks, Siobhan, for your thoughtful comment! Clearly I need to start making more desserts! 🙂
  
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Alina @ Vegan Runner Eats says
November 26, 2014 at 1:30 pm

Thank you for this insightful post, Cadry! I haven’t had a disappointing experience with my vegan dishes at potlucks or family gatherings, thankfully, but I’ve seen some cautious looks when I revealed that those dishes were vegan. I think the best way to ensure success is to make something simple and familiar to most people’s taste. As you’ve mentioned in your post, not everybody is thrilled to try out something new, even if it’s made from the same everyday ingredients they are familiar with.

Reply
- Cadry says
  December 22, 2014 at 10:40 am
  
  Thanks, Alina! Very astute!
  
  Reply
Bianca says
November 26, 2014 at 1:42 pm

Oh man, if I’d have been at that potluck, I would have soooooo eaten all your Ethiopian food. I LOVE injera and wots. And I’ve never had success making homemade injera. Crazy people not trying new things!!

That reminds me that, a couple years back, I made my boyfriend Paul a chocolate birthday cake with Oreo cookies ‘n’ cream frosting. My friend Andy came over with his new (at the time) boyfriend, and the boyfriend said he was scared to try my cake because it was vegan so it must be fake! Fake cake! Once we explained that it was made with all the same stuff that non-vegan cake is made with (just minus the eggs) and that it had real Oreos (ha! like Oreos are made with REAL food!0, he tried some and LOVED it. Now that same guy loves eating vegan stuff….he’s especially fond of vegan hot dogs, which is kind of funny since so many of those are filled with mystery ingredients!

Reply
- Cadry says
  November 30, 2014 at 9:55 am
  
  Have you tried the injera recipe in Vegan Lunch Box? It’s not exactly like the injera you’d get at an Ethiopian restaurant, but it’s made with teff flour and is still quite good. I’ve had a lot of success with that recipe in the past.
  
  That’s a really funny story about the fake cake! I’m glad that your friend’s boyfriend has come around to the idea. 🙂
  
  Reply
burbankvegan says
November 26, 2014 at 2:20 pm

Great article! I think your giving message goes beyond food, too. We have to open ourselves up to people (give of ourselves), which means being honest and real. We don’t know how people will receive us. Rejection always hurts, but when a true connection is made, born out of authenticity, it feels really good.

Reply
- Cadry says
  November 29, 2014 at 2:05 pm
  
  This is such a beautiful sentiment, Leah. It put a bit of a knot in my throat when I read it. By being honest and real about who we are and what we value, we make ourselves vulnerable, but we also put ourselves in a position to make real connections. Our friendship is a perfect example of that sentiment.
  
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  - Leah says
    November 29, 2014 at 5:34 pm
    
    🙂
    
    Reply
cheryl says
November 26, 2014 at 3:42 pm

Food is medicine!!! I love that the veg/vegan food choices are by the pharmacy. The world would be a much better place if people stopped thinking about the magic pill that will cure all their ills and take a moment to think their is something they can do with their diet/activities that might be a positive in thier life. It is sad that mosst people never make that association.
Ohterwise, I love your post! Especially the rock and diamond analogy. I gift given from the heart has far more value…..once you give it then let it go.

Reply
- Cadry says
  November 29, 2014 at 11:12 am
  
  Thanks for your thoughts, Cheryl! I totally see what you’re saying about food as medicine. The point I was trying to make is that for most people if you were to ask, “What does that chip taste like?” and they said, “It tastes like medicine!” it wouldn’t be seen as a positive. Personally, I’d rather see the “health foods” integrated in and amongst all of the rest of the food, so that people who may not venture into the health market will know that there are other options out there. And obviously, I don’t think potato chips are health foods anyway, regardless of the ingredients. I still eat potato chips from time to time and enjoy them, but when I eat them it’s because I like the taste, not because I think they’re a health food.
  
  Thank you for sharing your thoughts and insights, and I’m glad you liked the rock/diamond analogy!
  
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alua says
November 26, 2014 at 4:03 pm

You know, I think to some extent it’s not the “vegan” food with these people who rejected your Ethiopian food, it’s that these people just wouldn’t try anything new, vegan or otherwise. I rarely meet such people who straight-out won’t try even the littlest bit of some food (esp. if it contains food items they do all eat, just prepared differently), if I did I’d probably wonder if I would want to hang out with them in general because probably a lot of our beliefs and interests wouldn’t align. Like the idea of being even just a little open-minded about different things. Like having at least a certain curiosity about trying out new things (food or otherwise). Not saying those people are bad people, but probably there wouldn’t be too much in common to allow for much more than being acquaintances. That said, I think some people just need multiple tries… and after a while they might have a bite. So I wouldn’t give up right away after such a rejection.

Generally I don’t advertise that my food is vegan, I just make it and serve it, and if people don’t want it, well, more for me! (I think that’s how you should look at your Ethiopian potluck experience… though I get that you felt disheartened).

I’ve also found that people who are really into food, don’t care about whether it’s vegan or not. They care about good food. A very omnivorous friend of mine told me “Who wouldn’t love your food!” (I cook a lot). Many years ago, I also knew a regionally well-known cook from a dairy farm in Norway, all her traditional cooking (which she is known for) is meat and dairy, but she made the best vegan foods as well… just because when I was her guest she loved the challenge of cooking something different – because she loved all food, not the labels attached to it.

Feeding people tofu: add a couple of Asians to your friends, and you won’t have that problem. 🙂

Reply
- Cadry says
  November 30, 2014 at 9:51 am
  
  Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Alua! I also don’t advertise that my food is vegan; however, since both my husband and I are vegan, people who spend time with us socially know that any food we serve will be vegan too. For people who are already suspicious of vegan food, that’s enough to stop them from trying what we make. Luckily, over the many years that we’ve been vegan lots of the people in our lives who were hesitant at first have become at least open to taking a bite or two of something. It’s not quite the excited reaction I’d hope for, but it’s a start.
  
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Anne says
November 26, 2014 at 5:20 pm

What a lovely perspective; I especially appreciate the second to the last paragraph about giving a diamond/receiving a rock. I have no friends or family who eat plant based but they are extremely thoughtful of me and (usually) try my dishes without a fuss. When we are in a potluck type situation, I generally do not tell others the dish is plant based and that has helped.

Reply
- Cadry says
  November 30, 2014 at 9:47 am
  
  I’m glad your friends and family have been so open and accepting of your meals, Anne! I don’t advertise that my dishes are vegan either, but since everyone knows that my husband and I are vegan, they quickly deduce that the dish will be vegan too.
  
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johanna @ Green Gourmet Giraffe says
November 26, 2014 at 9:25 pm

Great post. Isn’t it funny that we think because people do not have dietary restrictions that they will eat everything. My extended family can be very wary of my food and I too have learnt to cook for the audience.

Even so I was surprised recently to have a little girl over for tea who I was told would eat anything and when I presented her with edamame in pods she wouldn’t eat them. We eat them a lot so I had assumed that they would be fairly common in other homes. Having said that, others can also surprise you as this same little girl happily shared tofu bacon with my daughter at another visit.

Reply
- Cadry says
  November 30, 2014 at 9:45 am
  
  Yes, it is interesting that the same people who may perceive a vegan diet as limiting then limit themselves. In my life I’ve known people who will eagerly eat pickled pigs’ feet or a bull’s testicles and then cringe at the idea of eating tofu or hummus. I have to think, “Really? A bean is the more cringe-worthy choice?”
  
  I’ve had similar experiences with edamame. I think they’re a fun and interactive food, but I remember sharing them once with people who were really perplexed by them – even though we live in soybean-country. It’s ironic that soybeans are one of the biggest crops in the state, but few people here eat them. (They’re grown as a crop for farm animals.)
  
  Reply
  - Heather says
    December 17, 2014 at 7:52 pm
    
    I have to comment on the edamame , I made the same assumption and brought a big bowl to a family gathering and assumed everyone would know what they were and how to enjoy them……I assumed wrong and my uncle was eating the entire pod, not just the beans, lol at least he tried them! But I am pretty sure he thought they were pea pods at first
    
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    - Cadry says
      December 22, 2014 at 10:32 am
      
      Oh, no! What a story! That reminds me of the time I introduced some people to artichokes for the first time. You can only imagine the befuddled looks that I got when showing how you just scrape the leaves with your teeth. I could tell people were wondering, “Why would you go to this much work for that small amount of food?”
      
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Chris says
November 26, 2014 at 10:04 pm

My solution is to just not draw attention to the fact that it’s vegan. It’s just an apple pie. Not a “vegan” apple pie.

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- Cadry says
  November 27, 2014 at 11:00 am
  
  Thanks, Chris! Like you, I don’t add the descriptor of “vegan” when I’m offering cookies or pie or what have you. However, most everyone in my life knows that I’m vegan. So if I’m serving something to them, they know it’s vegan without me saying anything. Luckily, over the years many people have warmed up to the idea. 🙂
  
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The Levantess says
November 27, 2014 at 11:31 am

I am not vegan, and never have been, but many of my meals happen to be vegan or vegetarian, simply because they taste good. I do use tofu every once in a while, but most of my vegan foods are simple, whole food ingredients, that happen to be cooked without meat, butter, dairy, etc. I find it very narrow minded to not at least TRY something. Not every vegetarian or vegan dish is created with fake meat.

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Emily says
November 27, 2014 at 12:02 pm

All I want to say is WHAT IS THE RECIPE FOR THAT DELICIOUS LOOKING FOOD IN THE LAST PICTURE?

Also, people who won’t even try vegan food have no taste buds. Vegan food is SO delicious best ever! The nasty animal food covered my taste buds from truly tasting the wonders that are spices. After I became vegan and my body detox from the animal products my mouth was awaken to world of such beautiful food that never would’ve been reconized as an animal eater.

But your right i experience the same. also the dumb jokes everyone tells at my expense yet thinking they are the only one to say that.

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- Cadry says
  November 29, 2014 at 10:54 am
  
  Thank you, Emily! All of the dishes in the last picture are from Kittee Berns’ zine, Papa Tofu Loves Ethiopian. Her recipes are absolutely amazing. That zine gets a lot of love in my house. The zine has been discontinued, but Kittee has a book coming out early next year. I cannot wait to get my hands on it. If you love Ethiopian food, you should definitely check it out. It’s called Teff Love: Adventures in Vegan Ethiopian Cooking
  
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Becky says
December 1, 2014 at 11:16 am

This was beautiful, Cadry, and something that I really needed to read. My Thanksgiving was such a mixed bag this year. I loved spending time with Dave’s whole family, seeing Darrol Henry bond with his cousins, and chatting with extended family that we never get to see. But at the holiday table, it really hurt to hear some of the things people had to say. We ate out, so there was no cooking, but some of the older kids were so closed-minded about vegetarian food. One told one of the other vegetarians at the table that “Salad is supposed to have meat on it, you know.” And then all of the older kids spewed a lot of prideful stuff about being “carnivores.” I didn’t feel like I could pipe up, but my heart sank a little.

Normally kid talk doesn’t bother me, but now that I have a kid of my own I feel like it comes at me through this new lens. Darrol is too little to understand them now, but in a year or two I am so afraid that my sensitive little guy is going to feel hurt and out of place with his family, because he’s vegetarian living in the deep south. I need to arm him with the mindset you’re talking about, so he can let that kind of talk roll off.

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- Cadry says
  December 4, 2014 at 1:39 pm
  
  Oh, that is so hard! When kids say things like that, I wonder what they are hearing at home. I can totally see how it would make you concerned for Darrol Henry and how he’ll feel in the future. Do you think it’s something that you’d discuss with the cousins’ parents, so that they might have a conversation with their kids ahead of time?
  
  I often think about the unique challenges that come with raising a vegan or vegetarian child in terms of tolerance, bullying, and respecting other people’s boundaries/beliefs. Even as adults, it’s not always easy or comfortable to swim upstream and go against the flow of the status quo. However, even if he weren’t vegetarian or vegan, over time those will be skills that any child will have to develop – knowing where you end and another person begins. Learning those things from an early age may prove to make Darrol Henry an even more empathetic and secure individual.
  
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Sharon Twizell says
December 5, 2014 at 2:16 am

I have spent so much time discarding rocks and now I have found You ! A true diamond! Due to health reasons in order to remain healthy I need to follow a strict almost vegan fatfree diet. After years of convenient processed junk food my taste buds are alive and wanting new fresh foods and flavours. This wonderful food is not for a restricted market ! This is food for everyone. I wish I had embraced it years ago. Thankyou xxx

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- Cadry says
  December 22, 2014 at 10:33 am
  
  Thanks for the lovely comment, Sharon!
  
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acookinthemaking says
December 12, 2014 at 10:25 am

I love when you write posts like this; you have a such a way of hitting the nail on the head in a clear, thoughtful, and non-judgmental manner.

I struggle with this issue all the time, particularly with my husband’s family, although things are slowly getting better. Still, though, they’ll only eat “normal” things (like hummus) that I make; I don’t think we’re anywhere near the point yet where I could cook them a whole meal (even something tofu-less, like what you tried to do with your Ethiopian food). I know not to take it personally but sometimes it is really hard.

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- Cadry says
  December 22, 2014 at 10:38 am
  
  Thank you, Ashley! I hear you! It does sting when you go to a lot of effort and your food is met with suspicion, criticism, or open disdain. I try to consider my audience ahead of time and put in maximum time/effort when I know people will be appreciative and less time/effort when I know no one will try my food anyway. But even when I try to guard my feelings, there’s always hope that this time might be different and people might be more open to expanding their food repertoire.
  
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Jordan Stark says
December 25, 2014 at 9:26 pm

I recently became vegan for many reasons and I am trying to find recipes and new foods to try. What was the Ethiopian dish you made? It sounded delicious to me! Or any other recipes you’d like to share would be fantastic. I like almost all foods, I just try to stay away from foods packaged in plastic and obviously meat. Thanks!!!

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- Cadry says
  December 29, 2014 at 10:26 am
  
  Hi, Jordan! Congrats on going vegan! The Ethiopian dishes were from a zine called Papa Tofu Loves Ethiopian. The zine is out of print now; however, the recipe creator, Kittee Berns, has a cookbook that’s coming out next month with tons of all-vegan Ethiopian recipes. I know it’s going to be amazing. The book is called Teff Love.
  
  I have lots of recipes on my site, and you can find them under the Recipes tab at the top of the page.
  
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Valerie says
December 31, 2015 at 12:05 pm

Cadry, thanks for writing/sharing! This post both infuriates me and brings me positivity. I hope others see how the come off or how closed-minded they are.

I know someone who was recently taken to an Indian restaurant because he hadn’t had that cuisine (which blows my mind) and wanted to try it. I asked him how it was and he said he “went for the most Chinese-looking foods.” I didn’t even continue with that conversation for so many reasons.

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Disgruntled Class Cook says
March 24, 2016 at 11:05 am

Learned this the hard way today, when I made a sample eggplant spaghetti for my communications class that was a mere spoonful. My sister said that it was best not to mention that it was ‘vegan’, but I did anyway, and maybe 4 or 5 out of the 20 people in the class tried it. All it was; was some freakin’ mundane produce aisle vegetables and tomato sauce and noodles! My god! I know it wasn’t the cooking because the people who had tried it wanted more of it. How can you possibly be that terrified of vegetables? It doesn’t make sense. Get over yourselves, people.

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- Cadry says
  March 25, 2016 at 10:11 am
  
  Ah, that’s so disappointing! I’m amazed at how often it happens that people who claim that they’ll eat “anything,” completely avoid something if it’s plant-based. I’ve known people who will not flinch at eating pickled pigs’ feet or an animal’s testicles, and yet flatly refuse to eat something if it’s vegan. It’s ridiculous.
  
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  - Disgruntled Cook says
    April 27, 2016 at 8:40 pm
    
    Because eating dismembered genitals is being adventeous, but God forbid your mouth makes contact with a piece of tofu.
    
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Gwen McFarlane says
November 19, 2016 at 4:24 pm

Well, if someone at a potluck won’t eat my vegan dish – all I can say is, All the More for ME!

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